


can a sin be right?

by gloomingpeace



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 07:02:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18191306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomingpeace/pseuds/gloomingpeace
Summary: jason reflecting on his breakup with peter and his hookup with ivy





	can a sin be right?

Guilt manifested itself in many ways. In the need to ignore a lover’s calls, the avoidance of those who are dear to you. For someone like Jason, it plagued him internally, preventing him from focusing on much else. Religious guilt was one thing, stemming from an old text that had been taught to him over the years, but far less applicable to his daily life. This was quite different. This guilt was nausea inducing, taking over every thought in his mind. Jason barely slept, a swarm of thoughts in the hive that was his mind making sure no traces of sanity remained. What he felt for Peter was something he’d never known, something he’d deemed impossible for so many years, and he’d pushed it away. Lost the person that made everything else in his life seem small, each worry and fear easing away each time their lips touched, each time Peter took his hand or curled into his chest. And so he’d turned to Ivy, in hopes of replacing the fears that controlled his every action, but it had only heightened them. It was supposed to feel right with her, supposed to fix this flaw in him, and it hadn’t. That was worse, far worse. Ivy was supposed to make him right, and she hadn’t. No amount of perfume and gentle touches could erase the desperate longing for another. Jason couldn’t face himself, let alone other people. His phone had been shut down most of spring break, as he knew he was too weak to ignore if Peter called once more. But he wouldn’t go back to him, he couldn’t. No matter how much he craved the boy’s calming touch, he’d broken away from him for a reason. It was wrong. And Jason didn’t think he’d be able to let him go again. He couldn’t eat, the sole idea of food making his stomach lurch in protest. Sleep was nearly a laughable concept, the guilt and prayers to God taking up his nights. He’d prayed so many times, for years on end. Please, God, fix me. Please don’t make me feel this way. Make me normal. And for each prayer, he received no such thing. There was no fixing who had done so much wrong, someone who was doomed to burn in the afterlife. A sinner. And that, Jason knew he was.


End file.
